You have to survive
by damagedmailbox
Summary: Turmoil in the Marauders' life after the events of 31st October, 1981
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. I am only playing with her toys.

This piece was was co-written by one of my best friends, Jennifer Samantha Das. Love ya babe.

**_You have to survive_**

_Chapter:1_

You were running down the road, running as if wanted to run away from life, running because you did not want it to be true.

The memories came flashing into your mind as you were running, as if it were just yesterday that you were under the large tree at Hogwarts, just after taking your OWLs. James was effortlessly playing with the snitch as usual, messing his hair and taking side glances around the lake by which Lily Evans was sitting. Remus sat there reading while Peter watched James in awe.

You reached the entrance gate of the Potter's house. Your mind had not registered that you had reached and that you were standing right in the front of the gate because you ran wherever your legs took you without much thinking as to where you were heading.

You went inside, the door was blown off, where it had been jolly and happy the night before. Now it was just a heap of blown off furnitures in complete dissaray. You did not know what you were feeling, as if all your feelings were gone.

Suddenly, you felt as if something was burning inside you.

You were furious, you were furious at Peter, furious at yourself because you trusted him and thought that it could be Remus. It was Peter, it was Wormtail who had betrayed his friends and their friendship, you knew it.

Your insides were filled with rage, you were running after him and you had almost caught him when Peter suddenly stopped, turned around towards you and started to scream and shout. The street was full of muggles who turned to look, to witness the source of the chaos.

They could not understand what Peter was on about, neither did you because you were furious and you did not hear a thing you were saying. Words like 'betrayer' 'friends' 'killed' could only reach your ears.

You did not bother to hear what he was saying when you ran for him but then there was a sudden green flash of light, an explosion and then BANG! Next moment you saw the muggles were lying dead on the ground, he was nowhere to be seen, Peter had escaped.

You stood there staring at everything, unable to move.

You laughed, laughed even though you felt a mixture of sadness and anger inside you. You laughed because you knew everything was over and you could do nothing about it.

You laughed until you felt your insides were empty, until the Aurors came and caught you and dragged you with them.

* * *

The chains clanked, the people murmured. Some where talking to themselves, muttering intangible things. Some looked like a grey corpse.

Everything looked damp and moist, You could taste the brine of the ocean, it was making your eyes hurt.

Your eyes were moist, red but you didn't want the Aurors to know that you felt like crying. This was not the place to be, these were not the people you could cry before.

"It was a shameful thing", your mother had told you. The sudden reminisence of your mother gave you a jolt. It surprised you. You had not thought of her in a really long time. You almost laughed at the word 'mother'.

You had been walking for too long. You were surprised that you had not reached your cell.

A feeling of despair came over your soul, not because 'they' were near but because of what you had left behind.

"It was gone, they were gone!", you muttered to yourself but it was but it wasn't over!

"Remus and Harry" you muttered again and again.

That's what mattered to you now, "Remus and Harry!", it wasn't over.

"Traitor!", you croaked. "He was our friend", you thought to yourself. You were angry.

The clanking chains made your ears hurt. It still surprised you that you had not reached your cell. You could hear the woosh of the wind and the thunder. It was going to rain soon.

You heard a door creak, you understood you have reached your cell. You willingly walked in, they did not have to push you. You knew you were as guilty as Wormtail.

You sat down on the mossy floor. The Auror croaked something in a hoarse voice, you didn't pay heed to it. Your thoughts were too foggy to analise anything he had said.

A part of you wished for death

"You deserve it after all", a meek voice said inside you. Maybe you do deserve it.

You didn't want to cry but the guilt and grief was becoming too much for you to bear .

"I am sorry Prongs! I am sorry Red! It was my fault", you croaked

"I am sorry Moony I ever doubted you! Harry! Oh Harry!",you repeated these words over and over again like a spell, desperately begging for some magic to work.

You thought of your Moony, Oh! How you had left him behind to bear everything, alone.

You thought of your godson, not knowing what will become of him now that you are gone.

You thought of the friends who died. You thought of the traitor.

"No!", you shreiked. You had to get a grip on yourself. You need to control your emotions. This is not the place to have a meltdown or they will destroy your soul. You had to keep sane.

You had to live for Moony, for Harry, for James and Lily. This was not going to the end or maybe it was.

"Padfoot!", you thought to yourself and transformed.

You confunded the Dementors. They didn't know what had become of Sirius Black. They did not understand. Their new victim seemed so hollow.

They could not understand and you realised that this was the only way left.

"Thanks Moony!", you thought to yourself.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to Jk Rowling. I am only playing with her toys.

**_You have to survive_**

Chapter:2

Oh, Merlin's Pants! That was close. I need to stop running on the roads or one of these muggle cars will squish me.

Gosh! I will look so disgusting all squished up on the road. I think I should run through a gutter, that will be better. There are too many rats in the gutter, no body will be able to recognise me. It's not as if anybody will come looking.

Ha! My planned worked.

I knew the Dog will go bersek and there is noway the Werewolf will come looking. He is too much of a softie, he will believe the fake evidence. He didn't even know anything. My plan worked... 'Oh Shit! Oh Shit!', I didn't know the gutter also had cats. They are stupid muggle cats anyway, I'll transform into a man and give them the scare of a lifetime.

Keep running Peter, keep running...

* * *

Woah! Is this a Meadow? Well, it looks like one. I think this place is safe. I should rest, I have been running for a long time.

This flowerbed is so soft, i could sleep here... yes, I should sleep here.

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?! Who are you? Let me go little boy! LET ME GO!

"Mom! Look what I found", the red headed boy ran inside a house, "Mom look, a rat! Can I keep it? Please can I keep it?"

"Percy dear, you don't need a rat right now, you are too young for it", the red haired woman breathed, lolling another red haired baby in her arms.

"But.. but I like it. I want to keep it. I promise I will take good care of it, I promise", the boy pleaded

"Okay honey, keep it but will have to take full responsibility of it", the woman said.

"I will! Look Ron, I have a new pet."

* * *

Woah! The boy adopted me, that's good. I like this boy. Now I will not have to worry about anything. These people will take good care of me.

Damn it! Is that Arthur Weasley?! Well done Peter, of all the families in Britain, a wizarding family, that too the Weasley family had to adopt you. You really do have a rotten luck! But it will be fine, you are not a man, you are a rat. Nobody is going to recognise you.

It will be fine. Everything is over now.

Oh! Looks like Sirius got the worse deal. No trial, that's harsh but it's good for me and I get an Order of Merlin, First Class... Wow! I clearly wasn't expecting that.

* * *

The Ministry is filled with knackerd prats... but Sirius..?

Wonder what Remus is doing now?

What does it matter to me anyway, I don't care... I am safe and that is what's important. Remus will be okay, he is strong. He will be okay, won't he?

James and Lily... it doesn't matter anymore. They are dead. Dead.

What happens to Harry now?

It doesn't matter now Peter, STOP NAGGING! You need to stay safe and this place is safe and warm.

Everything will be fine now, I guess.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. I am only playing with her toys._

Chapter:3

He was dragging his feet. The sun had just set. You could still see the bright outline of the setting sun on the perimeter of the village. It was not winter but it rather chilly. November had just begun... Yes, November had just begun.

It had been two days. He could not believe it, he had to see it by himself. He could not pluck up the courage to visit Godric's Hollow because he knew it was true.

A part of him still hoped that it wasn't true. Everybody was talking about it. The wizarding world was happy and was having a joyous celebration for He-who-must-not-be-named was gone, but it did not matter to Remus. While everyone else was celebrating, Remus had no reason to celebrate.

The distant wind chimed and the music playing in a house nearby could be heard. He kept walking until he reached the end of the street and closed his eyes. He did not want to see it.

* * *

He stood there. A strange eeriness hung in the air. He could still feel the magic around the house. The fidelus charm was not there anymore. The house looked as if one of those muggle bombs had exploded inside it. The front door was completely destroyed, the glass windows were shattered, the sidewall looked like as if an army of angry bludgers had hit it, hard.

As Remus stood there taking it all in, he felt someone watching him. He looked from the corner of his eye, Bathilda Bagshot, he decided. He was in no mood to be polite, so he turned towards the kissing gate of the courtyard of the Potter's house, preparing himself to enter.

At first he hesitated but decided to go inside anyway. The front door had been blasted off. His hands were shaking.

The living room was tattred. The blasted head of Harry's toy Gryffin was lying on the floor. The room looked like a haystack.

Only two weeks ago, after a long day of patrol, all of them were here, having supper, as usual before Remus had to take off for an under cover mission. Lily was frolicking in the kitchen, cooking for her 'four husbands', as she always said, much to James's dismay. The Marauders' were playing with Harry and Lily was cooking in the kitchen, the muggle way, she said that the food cooked with magic made it taste funny.

She was getting so hyperactive in the kitchen that Remus decided to help her out. The house had felt like home, with all of them together, laughing, eating, playing with little Harry and having the time of their lives.

He had been so happy. Despite the war going on, his unusual pack had always inspired him to keep high spirits. They knew anyone could be killed anytime but they never believed that it could happen to_ them_.

They were stronger together.

He was standing in the living room now, alone, looking at the ruins of the house as all those memories went flashing by. He climbed the stairs. He knew that Voldemort had tried to kill little Harry but perished himself instead.

The name sent a shudder through his spine but Remus decided against calling the dark wizard what others called him, "You-know-who". It didn't matter anymore.

The east side of Harry's room, the side which seemed from the outside like it was hit by an army of bludgers was blasted off. The Gryffindor red room was tattered. Harry's cot was the only thing that was not wrecked.

Remus could not take it anymore and decided to leave.

As he went down the stairs and made a move through the living room, a red leather bound, big book caught his eyes, it was a photo album, James's photo album... It had pictures of them at Hogwarts, pictures of them after graduation, pictures of his wedding with Lily, pictures of the new born Harry. Everything.

Flicking through the album, one of the pictures caught his eye.

It was taken at Hogsmeade, Frank Longbottom had clicked that picture.

James and Lily were snogging. Peter , Remus and Sirius were smiling into the camera, Sirius was ruffling his hair.. Sirius.

That name shot up a flare of anger in his entire body. He thought he knew Sirius. They were best friends.

"How could he?!"

As he spoke, suddenly, a picture fell from the book. It was a picture of the day when Harry was born. Lily and James were crying, tears of Joy. He was holding tiny Harry in his arms and Peter was standing close to see Harry's red face as he slept on. Sirius was jumping around in the room because Lily and James had just named him 'Godfather'.

Long before he knew, Remus felt his tears rolling down his cheeks, he had started to cry. He could feel his insides screaming and he wanted to tear himself apart. The wolf inside him was howling. He held the photo close to his chest and cried on for hours, as long as he had no tears left to cry. He thought this pain would never end.

* * *

He was pacing Dumbledoor's office, arguing with him.

He wanted to keep Harry with himself, raise James and Lily's son on his own. They would like that.

Nothing meant more to him than Harry at that point of time.

"You are incapable of raising a child all by yourself Remus!", Dumbledore said calmly.

"You don't have a fixed job and you will have to leave him alone on the nights of the full moon, who will take care of little Harry then? Trust me, I have left him in a good place".

"But Lily hated her sister and I know that the feeling is mutual!", Remus said with force

"Remus!", Dumbledore raised his hand indicating the end of the conversation.

Remus left without another word.

* * *

He opened the door of the Shreiking Shack.

The dust unsettled as he opened the door. He had not used the Shack for shelter in over a year. It was a full moon night.

After all this time he was going to be alone. He was the only one left now. His pack was torn away from him. They were betrayed by one of their own and now he was the only one left. Harry had been placed with the people he couldn't trust and he was helpless. There was nothing he could do.

Maybe he could...

"No! Dumbledore is right, I cannot raise a child on my own. I am too poor, too dangerous for Harry", he said to himself

Dumbledore had forbidden him to do anything about it. His heart ached but he had no say over Dumbledore.

The old Professor had taken away his right to raise Harry but he could not take away his right to cremate James and Lily, he thought.

He felt the moon rising. He was going to be alone and the night was going to be very, very long.


End file.
